ADHD comes in different forms and degrees of severity, and it doesn’t go away with age. People with ADHD may learn to cope with it better as they grow older, but this can also lead to other challenges, especially as work, home and family life changes. However, if ADHD is recognised and effective strategies are employed, the difficulties associated with it can be reduced in the long run, and individuals can learn to embrace their differences and see them as advantages.
To explain this, let’s imagine ADHD as a grocery store:
The ADHD-brand store represents the person with ADHD, while teachers, parents, extended family, and social network are the “customers”. Here’s what the customers may see:
This store is a bit different…
The weekly specials in the catalogue may be the same items every week (eg, “loud”, “distracted”, “disruptive”). Some people look at these and think that’s all the store has to offer. If the customers don’t like those items and don’t explore further, they might voice their complaints, they may describe it as a ‘bad’ store. If enough people dislike the offers, the store might remove them from the catalogue in an attempt to please the customers. However, sometimes those items end up gathering dust on hidden shelves or piled up in a storeroom that the ADHDer can’t manage.
When looking at the storefront, customers might think the store seems “different”, or not as they expect. Some things might stand out and be difficult to see past. They often don’t realise that there are other items are available in the store, including rare and valuable ingredients, complete with instructions, hidden from view. Some customers might attempt to change the way the store presents, and when their changes don’t last, they may blame the store owner or simply give up.
If customers choose to look further, some customers may find a beautifully presented display, opening into a well-maintained section of the ADHD-store. They dismiss the messy aisles at the back as an anomaly and assume they require no further investigation. To others the store may appear disorganised, with loud or inappropriate music. The customer may have difficulty finding things and wonder why some products are placed in unexpected aisles.
They might question why the dishwashing liquid is stocked with the dishes instead of the cleaning products, or why items in blue boxes are placed together regardless of their contents. They might also notice that some areas of the store have undergone incredible makeovers while others seem haphazardly thrown together.
Customers might wonder why there was a friendly cashier to talk to yesterday but only self-checkout today…. and when did the store start also selling plants, old steam engine parts, and exotic pets?
We can’t hide away in storage!
I chose the ADHD-brand store idea because people with ADHD are part of everyday society, not a closed warehouse – isolated from the world and other people’s opinions. Of course, this metaphor isn’t a perfect representation, it’s a simple one for those who aren’t familiar with the different types of ADHD. Feel free to share a different metaphor if you have one!
Here the individual’s ADHD is represented by the grocery store, which contains all the items you’d expect to find. However, the ADHD-store owner may find it easier to organise things in unexpected ways. When customers criticise the layout, the store owner experiences anxiety or overwhelm and sometimes guilt or shame, because the customer’s idea of a good layout makes it hard for the store-owner to find things, understand how to use them, and establish connections between items – but that can be hard to explain.
Pathways and dopamine, isles and staff… I’m sorry, what?
Aside from all the products and items in the ADHD-store, there are two very important things to notice:
The aisles in the ADHD-store represent neural pathways in the brain,
and the staff working here are like the dopamine impulses running along neural pathways.
In the ADHD-store, dopamine is the payment currency, and it’s in short supply from the beginning. Fortunately, medication, support from family and the community, and coaching methods can supplement it. Well paid staff, similar to the dopamine impulses that travel along neuronal pathways, are vital in the ADHD store. They stock shelves, respond appropriately to customers, retrieve products, and establish connections between different items (like getting bread from one aisle, butter from another completely different kind of isle, and finding an appropriate place in the deli to make a sandwich). If the staff are absent and the aisles are cluttered, the store owner can’t find anything and can’t keep up with the customers’ demands.
With that in mind, let’s have a look at some different types of ADHD-brand stores.
ADHD – Hyperactive:
Sometimes, the store owner turns up the volume on an inappropriate song to drive the shoppers away. This gives the owner time to re-evaluate the layout and rearrange things. Some stores are always noisy and messy because the owner can’t make sense of all the items while also considering input from customers. The staff aren’t even sure what they’re supposed to do, so they either panic, sit down, or wander off. This creates significant stress for the store owner, who may also run around to alleviate the built-up stress and regain some awareness of their surroundings. Often, the ADHD-store owner communicates in a different language than customers, so even if they ask for help loudly, nobody can understand them.
ADHD – Inattentive:
Other ADHD-store owners know that there is an area of the store that will be viewed often by customers. The owner carefully observes the customers and what seems to make them happy. They then put very deliberate effort into always showing that area of the store as well-organised and appealing. This is fairly easy when the customers are all similar and only come into the store to view that area – like parents or primary school teachers. But unfortunately, there is a large part of the store that must be neglected to allow for the time spent curating the well-presented areas.
When the expectations and the customers vary – like wider social circles, various teachers, higher expectations – these unorganised messy areas start to be visible and can no longer be hidden. The customers all start to notice them and often criticise “why can’t they be more like those other nice areas, if you can do it there, why can’t you do it over here too”? The store owner starts to feel unsure, may begin to retreat and even become unable to maintain the previously neat and tidy areas. Suddenly the whole store might become messy – but it’s not really sudden, it’s just suddenly visible. The stress and effort of keeping more and more areas presentable can be a huge drain on the owner, and they may simply stop trying. They may start to wonder what is wrong with them, why are everyone else’s stores so much nicer and how do they make it look so easy? Their self-esteem plummets, and so does their motivation.
ADHD – Combined:
Different stores may have a combination of the above types. They may be sometimes neat and presentable, and sometimes loud and messy. They may be neat when the important shoppers – those that can exercise punitive measures or social influence – are watching, and then get loud and messy when they feel safe enough to do so.
Time in ADHD is different:
In all of these “brands” of ADHD there will be times when the store owner is able to intently focus on something they enjoy – and they may spend hours there without noticing time passing, and without even stopping for a meal. In many cases the store will open at odd hours, not realising that most customers want to shop at standard times. Time in the store passes both more slowly and more quickly compared to the outside world – so the owner often can’t accurately predict how long something will take. In other instances, a customer will ask for a product and the owner will either appear not to notice the request or will go off in search of the product – only to find some other task along the way and not return.
Can you help?
When you, as a customer, realise you are looking into an ADHD-brand store, being genuinely curious about the items that the owner values the most will help keep the aisles clear. These are like positive pathways, and by maintaining them, it encourages the inclusion of more unique and valuable items, promotes exploration and learning, and makes the store more interesting and diverse.
But they all look different to each other…
Although they are the same ‘brand’, ADHD-stores may look nothing alike. Some have overstock in some areas and shortages in others. Some will group beautifully presented items and others will show you only one kind of product, some will colour-code everything and provide vivid imagery, others will look more like a technical parts-list.
And please know, that although I’ve written this with some humour, I’m in no way making fun of my ADHD cohort. Sometimes a sense of humour and a simplified analogy is a good way to help others understand what the condition is like from different perspectives.
