When is Changing Your Mind Okay?
As a parent, especially one navigating the intensity of ADHD parenting, you might feel judged if you “give in” to your child’s requests. Society often tells us that standing firm—never budging—is a key to good parenting. But is that always the best approach?
Here’s the thing: if we frame it as “giving in,” it feels like a surrender, both to us and our child. It subtly teaches them that if they push hard enough, they’ll get what they want, which can lead to burnout for you and increase frustration.
But what if we looked at it differently? What if it wasn’t about giving in but rather about allowing ourselves to change our mind?
Imagine this scenario: Your child desperately wants to play outside with friends. You’ve said no because it’s cold, and they’re already fighting off a sniffle. But after a day indoors together, you realise a few minutes of peace sounds good, and a little fresh air may not worsen their symptoms much. Yet, you’ve already said no. So, what now?
We’re taught to “stick to our guns,” but does being a good parent mean being rigid? What if, instead, you said, “Okay, I’ve thought it over and changed my mind. I don’t want you feeling worse tomorrow, which is why I first said no, but I think a little outside time will be good. Let’s set a timer, for when it’s time to come back in.”
Using this approach can shift things for both you and your child. They learn that you’re open to hearing their side, and it becomes less about persistent pleading and more about having a thoughtful discussion about their wants and needs. Over time, they may even develop the skills to express those needs more calmly and clearly.
And the best part? This reframing removes the shame you might feel around “giving in.” It becomes a conscious decision on your part, a tool you can use flexibly, even if it doesn’t always lead to a “yes.” Sometimes, you’ll need to change your mind in ways they won’t like – like when you planned on stopping for ice cream but realise there’s no time.
Initially, they may protest, but teaching your child that changing your mind is okay also teaches them that it’s okay for them to change theirs. It opens the door to essential conversations about consent, navigating expectations, and learning when to reassess a decision.
So, when is changing your mind okay? Whenever it feels right for you and aligns with the values you want to teach. Let flexibility be a part of your parenting toolkit—it’s a powerful way to connect, teach, and guide your child through their own growth.
